“What does his profile say?” she scrolled down the page, “oh look what his web name thingy is.” She read aloud,..”Hi and welcome to my profile. I thought long and hard about what to call myself and I have to say I think it suits me as I’m a baker and have been a one for the ladies in my time..So Hi, it’s Stud muffin here.. Get it? I’m forty-five and looking for lurve, my ideal lady would be slim, nubile and daring…” Caroline paused shuddering, “that’s just so….nasty, he isn’t a poor man at all, he’s awful. Does he not look in the mirror? Stud muffin? where’s the trades description act when it’s needed? And if he is forty five then my grandfather is still a teenager! Don’t laugh, he’s grim.”
“But he looks like a film star and that’s something every girl would love to date. cried Amy, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “Don’t despair, we still have another thirty eight pages to go, who knows who else is in there.” she paused, deepening her voice to sinister levels..”Who knows what else is lurking in there to traumatize the unwary.”
Louise tutted and pointed to the next profile, “What about this one? he looks……………human.”
The picture did indeed look human if a little non descript. he had brown hair that was slightly thinning on top, a slim build and a rather solemn liking expression. he was also wearing what looked to be a hand knitted pullover..
“Hi, my name is Martin. To be quite honest I’m not really sure what to say, so I guess I’ll start with the basics. I’m forty one, divorced for the past five years. The wife ran off with her gym instructor… Because of my past history I’m hoping to meet a large woman because generally they don’t spend much time at the gym……”
“Next!” They all cried in unison……
“OOH, now he’s nice”, pointed Caroline. “I’d go so far as to say rather attractive in fact”. She clicked onto his profile.
“Yum, he’s a fireman”. She started reading, Young looking forty four year old fireman. Upfront, honest and broad minded. Seeks female thirty five to forty five for fun and excitement, possibly leading to romance.
“Hi my name is Steve and as it says in my profile, I’m a fireman. I’ve never been married although I came close a couple of times. My main hobby is fishing, it’s a good way to unwind after a couple of days on call. I enjoy…”
Caroline looked at the attached photograph, “Well, he is a definite improvement on Stud muffin and Jumper boy isn’t he.”
All three women gazed at the small picture. Fireman Steve did indeed look more than passable. Dark wavy hair swept back slightly and curling into the nape of a very manly looking neck. Strong chin, firm mouth and laughing blue eyes..
“What would a man as pretty as that be doing on a dating site?” Louise pondered out loud. “You’d think he would have them queuing down the street to check out his hose…”
“Mmmmmmmmmmmm” drooled Amy lustfully, “I’d love to check out out his hose”.
“What else does it say about him?”
“I expect to get a lot of hose comments..” Louise sniggered, “And ladies, if I say so myself I wont disappoint you when you see my hose fully unfurled.”…
“NOOO!!! It can’t say that!! He didn’t!”
“Oh yes he did, ” replied Caroline, “and get this bit”. She began to read once again. “Don’t worry about snagging your stockings on a date with me.. Climbing ladders is a must for a fireman..”
“Oh for gawd’s sake, I knew he was just too good to be true” snorted Louise. “Why else would he be on here?”
“Does it say where he is from? Amy queried naughtily, “I’d love him to get his hose out, climb my ladders and put the fire out”.
“Amy! you are so bad!” exclaimed Louise,
“I know,” acknowledged Amy “but ladies you must admit, he looks soooo good!”
The three women all stopped giggling and looked at Mr. Hosepipe, and as one all three heaved a sigh..